My Condolences to Those Affected by the Runyon Canyon Closure

Upon hearing that city officials have decided to close L.A.'s hottest hiking trails from April 1 to July 1 -- to repair some broke-ass water pipe -- my heart immediately went out to all of those affected by this devastating development.

Allow me to offer my condolences to the joggers, the fitness fiends, the shirtless selfie-takers, the star-fucking tourists, the incognito CW actors escaping paparazzi, and the thousands of smoothie-slurping basics who won't have a place to get their cardio on.

May you find respite in other places that will accept you and your Lululemon workout gear. May you find peace (and a good sweat) in other parks where you can check-in and post an ironic caption about calories, Sunday Funday, or your #CoachellaDiet.

And most importantly, may you find another area in L.A. to clog up a residential street and take up every single fucking parking space there is.

Sincerely,
@TheFirstEcho