Let Kelly Clarkson Help You Survive Black Friday

Come November 29, I shall join the millions of crazed Americans as they storm the stores at midnight after Thanksgiving, ready to cut any bitch who gets in between them and the last available purple twerking bear in the toy aisle at Target.

I've made it a tradition to go out to my neighborhood superstores to see what's being snatched off the shelves in the wee hours of the morning. I prefer to go alone so that I can zip through the lines of shopping carts (and strollers) and make my experience as painless as possible.

And helping me this year will be Kelly Clarkson. I'll be blaring her new single from Wrapped in Red in order to brighten my spirits and pump me up for some holiday cheer -- just as long as no one steals my parking space at the mall.

Enjoy the retro-sounding jingle that's sure to be a classic...and give Mariah Carey's 19-year-old "All I Want For Christmas Is You" a run for its money.


@TheFirstEcho