How Many Calories I'll Consume Back Home During the Holidays

There's no avoiding it. When I go back home for the holidays, my life will be one enormous smorgasbord of indulgent eating. Although I'll try my best to tame my gluttony (good luck with that), I have a feeling I'll be saying "F**k it" every time a sweet or savory morsel stares me down from across the table.

Here's just a sample of what I expect to ingest during my three weeks (yes, 3) in the winter wonderland that is the East Coast...

1. A late-night meal after landing at JFK at midnight.

2. Coffee and cake while visiting my mom's best friend.

3. The lone candy cane I'll suck on while watching afternoon talk shows on the couch.

4. The potato chips and onion dip to keep me satiated before Christmas dinner.

5. The eggnog latte I'll buy at Starbucks while doing some last-minute shopping at Target with my mom.

6. The hot cocoa I'll purchase near Rockefeller Center to keep me warm.

7. The fabulous lunch I'll eat with my best friend.

8. The fabulous lunch I'll eat with an old college friend in Boston.

9. An oversized dinner with my parents at the Port Chester Diner.

10. My grandmother's creamed onions.

11. Four slices of pizza...because I'm in New York.

12. Those cocktail wieners on New Year's Eve.

13. A vanilla roasted coffee from Dunkin Donuts for my commute into Manhattan to visit friends.

14. Chocolate. Just because.

15. A bagel with creamed cheese. Again, because I'm in New York.

16. Chinese take-out (in three weeks, it's inevitable).

17. My aunt's anisette cookies.

18. My other aunt's stuffed clams and linguine with clam sauce on Christmas Eve.

19. Pecan muthaf**kin' pie.

20. A bag of popcorn for the matinee of The Guilt Trip I'll be seeing with my parents.

21. Sparkling cider.

22. Antacids.

@TheFirstEcho