Obsession

It is rare for me to find someone in the public eye who warrants such a near-psychotic obsession to the point where I'd practically burst from the seams with excitement and admiration.

The grand fabulousness of David and Victoria Beckham is working its magic on me.

First things first. Whatever preconceived notions you may have? Kindly throw them out with the rest of the rubbish.

After watching Monday night's NBC special, Victoria Beckham: Coming to America, I have come up with several reasons why their fans love them so and why those of you who have never given them the light of day or dismissed her as an "evil robot with gigantic breasts, sent to earth to obliterate the human race" should drop the grudge and embrace the mania.

1. They're self-deprecating. Tongue firmly planted in cheek, Victoria reveals to Perez Hilton (who was equally won over) during a coffeehouse interview why she never smiles for the paparazzi - she has to maintain her "I'm Miserable" reputation, dahling. She even dares the fushia-haired webmaster to feel her breasts to see just how non-gigantic they are. After the brief meeting, the self-proclaimed Queen of All Media was more than happy to clean up any insulting Photoshopped pics of Posh on his website.

2. They show genuine care for their children. While shopping for houses in the Hills, Vic inspects every detail to make sure their new home is safe for their three boys. One home featured a terrace with no railings, exposing a dangerous cliff. Vic walked right out. Would Britney be as sensible? Also, notice how the couple rarely allows their children to be photographed or quickly thrust into the spotlight.

3. Their overall, articulate conversational banter puts all of our American one-note celebs to shame. You won't get any lifeless, one-word answers from them in a Larry King interview. They actually elaborate on their soundbites.

4. She knows they're extremely fortunate and doesn't complain. You won't hear any woe-is-me ballads on Ms. Beckhams pop albums.

5. Victoria wears underwear (Upon learning about the no-panties trend in LA, Posh shakes her head: "They don't wear any knickers? I don't understand it." And finally...

6. Anything British is just...well, frickin' awesome.

The one-hour special did miserably in the ratings, and that's a shame; it would have made a delightful reality show (Bravo, where you at?). More and more Americans need to meet the Beckhams, not just to fawn over another tabloid powercouple but to appreciate and see what a breath of fresh air they are. Call it a failed publicity stunt, but this NBC show perfectly demonstrated how there's just something damn irresistible about these two.

Come to think of it, their BBC documentary, David and Victoria Beckham's World Cup Party, is an even juicier, flashier one to watch (and there's more of David for you Beckheads out there). The editors at YouTube have graciously added the entire thing to their megasite:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=jfiRftzbh9o (sorry, no embedding).

Back to the Monday night's guilty pleasure: A welcome-to-the-neighborhood luncheon with the dames of Beverly Hills worked in Vic's favor, making her stand out as a humbler, more grounded woman (who just happens to own a Bentley). "These women are major," was how she described the lavish experience. The hostess of the gathering was a nipped-and-tucked housewife straight out of a gaudy Jackie Collins novel. There wasn't a single face in the room besides Vic's that never saw the flash of a plastic surgeon's scalpel. Victoria loved them, and you could tell she never met people like them back in the homeland. She was careful with her words while describing the experience, succeeding in balancing out the bullshit with sincerity.

At the end, bloopers and extra footage (DVD special features perhaps?) played while the closing credits rolled by. See Posh awkwardly test out her new stilettos! See Posh get excited over the prospect of celebrating American holidays! "When is Thanksgiving? I can't wait...do you know what they do to pretzels? They mash 'em up and stick 'em up a turkey's bum."

It's refreshing to see Brits living it up Dynasty-style. As Americans, we were usually fed images of poor, cockney-spouting Englishmen who had no class and favored a jaunt to the neighborhood pub. Now, we're more likely to see them as red carpet staples wearing Gucci and favoring pomegranate martinis. Just look at the enormous popularity of Footballer$ Wives on BBC America. Viewers grew tired of watching the middle-class melodrama of EastEnders, shoving it aside for the glitzy, wealthier bitchiness of the upper class.

The British seem to be loving the dysfunctions of the rich and powerful more than ever.

How...American.

H.P.M.